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Friends

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:20:35 -0400

I stand by my decision. She has been a shitty friend and with everything I have on my plate I don’t have time to have the stress she always seems to bring. She is disrespectful, deceitful, and just play mean sometimes. But we were friends. We did have enough in common to hang out and have some good times. Friends are what define life. Without social interaction, how can one say they’ve lived?

For someone like me who has about 3 friends total now, it’s extremely difficult for me to tell someone who really wants to be my friend that they can’t be. Beggars can’t be choosers, isn’t that the saying? I know you think that I bring enough to the table that I have every right to be choosy, and as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I have never felt that way. I have to really try and vie to make just an acquaintance, much less a close friend. With so few close friends, It’s one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do to just oust a close friend from my life, even a really shitty one, because when it comes down to it, I’d rather have shitty friends than no friends. She may have been the worst friend ever, but she did like to hang out with me, and invited me to places, and would’ve listened if I was down. That doesn’t make up for the things she did and the way she treated you, especially. I would do it again given the chance. But there is a side of me that mourns the death of the friendship.

I did it for you most of all. I can stand someone treating me like shit. I’m a pushover and I’ve gotten used to it. My brother does it sometimes, Conor did it sometimes, Ben did it sometimes, and she did it way more than sometimes. I was always aware of it and It never bothered me. I’d rather get pushed around a bit or get taken advantage of a bit than cause a dispute. My friends always matter to me more than money, or my ego. But I cannot stand someone treating you like shit. You are the only person I know who doesn’t treat me like shit ever. You never push me around or take advantage of my generosity. You treat me with respect and dignity and everything I want from a friendship. For that I hold you in such a high regard. I really do love you.

I could take the judgements from her about my music style, my fashion choices, my choice of friends (Conor), me being a pushover, me being anti-social, and everything else. But I could never stand for her judging you. You are the only thing in my life I am sure of, and you don’t deserve how she treated you. She crossed the line and I would rather just never talk to her again than put up with her disrespecting you.

I know to you this is only a good thing. But for me it was very difficult. Now I don’t have any close friends down here. But I don’t regret it. I just hope you will really appreciate what I just did, instead of thinking “It’s about time.” I hope you grasp the magnitude of what I let go of for us.

I love you. I would do it again if I had to.

I'm sorry

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 22:26:00 -0400

Victoria you are already stressed and I don’t wanna put any more pressure on you right now. Im sorry you are upset with me and I didn’t mean for this. Mackenzie delayed me a bunch and didn’t end up actually getting me until 630. I was pissed all day and she just annoyed me. I didn’t really have any fun but my phone died around 7 cuz we used it for gps. I shouldn’t have even hung out with her. Im sorry baby. I love you so so much. Good luck on your comp check, I hope I’m not stressing you too much :’( I’m supposed to be your comfort… I’m supposed to be someone you only only ever have good thoughts about…

In your bed. I just woke up and I’m lying here thinking of you. I love this bed so much....

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 11:57:47 -0400

In your bed.
I just woke up and I’m lying here thinking of you. I love this bed so much. I’m almost glad the power went out because it gave me a random excuse to come sleep in your bed (which I would’ve happily done regardless of wether or not we had power). But as much as I love it, It’s not the same without you. I keep rolling over expecting to see my baby smiling at me and looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I miss you baby and i love you more than anything. i felt so bad when i read your tumblr and you were at the nightclub. I want you to know that everything is perfect baby, except that you are gone. If you were here I’d grab you so tight and never let you go and we could get tangled up in these wonderful blankets…. I need you baby.. Come back soon?

In your bed. I just woke up and I’m lying here thinking of you. I love this bed so much....

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 11:56:13 -0400

In your bed.
I just woke up and I’m lying here thinking of you. I love this bed so much. I’m almost glad the power went out because it gave me a random excuse to come sleep in your bed (which I would’ve happily done regardless of wether or not we had power). But as much as I love it, It’s not the same without you. I keep rolling over expecting to see my baby smiling at me and looking at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I miss you baby and i love you more than anything. i felt so bad when i read your tumblr and you were at the nightclub. I want you to know that everything is perfect baby, except that you are gone. Of you were here I’d grab you so tight and never let you go and we could get tangled up in these wonderful blankets…. I need you baby.. Come back soon?

The second I get to Ashley’s house I’m gonna have to go to the bathroom and cry. I wont...

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 20:17:21 -0400

The second I get to Ashley’s house I’m gonna have to go to the bathroom and cry. I wont be in any sort of state to socialize. I just wanna cuddle up with you some more.

Really? Really? Come on airlines. This is such bullshit. I don’t know If i can handle much...

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 00:11:06 -0400

Really? Really? Come on airlines. This is such bullshit. I don’t know If i can handle much more of this day… I miss my baby so much. Tori you are trying to nap right now and I still have so much to say. I need you to know how much I love you. I just want to cuddle up tonight and fall asleep with you. You are the light of my life and I couldnt bear life without you. You are perfect baby. Never change

Much better.

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 01:27:50 -0400

Much better.

Stop

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 13:43:51 -0400

Stop lying to me.

Something

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 02:05:56 -0400

Something

Innermost thoughts.

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 02:05:34 -0400

So, why would i post something here, when only you will see it? Why not just send it to you in a message? it all seems rather redundant. Nobody’s really interested in my “innermost thoughts” anyway. And I’m not sure I’d even post my “innermost thoughts” on here. And if my “innermost thoughts” WERE on here, I don’t think I’d like people seeing them. Thus the term, Innermost thoughts.